*Lifeless*

Exam is over for quite some time..

Not really do great in the exam..

Really hope can get a good grades on it..

This month not really a good month..

My 2nd uncle enter hospital and in a critical condition..

The time my family visit him , he already be sent to CCU room..

As I know ,he been kept changing from CCu room to ICU room..

bcoz his condition getting critical from time to time..

his condition really scared all of my family and relatives..

bcoz from time to time the hospital call us to let us know to see him the last moment..

For the first time, me and family really in trauma..

we really dun wan to lose him..

he was a great uncle to me :(

For the first time we receive the call, says that he mayb cant get through it..

all of us really have made been ready and try to control our emotions..

thankfully my uncle pass through that day..and so was the second time..

For the third time we get the call..

me and my family have been staying at the hospital whole day ..

and we already know that he really will leave us for good..

bcoz his blood pressure was too low causes him cannot consume any medical or make any X-ray examintaions...

Untill now I still dunno wat kind of disease that cause my uncle pass away..

the time he pass away..

his whole body was swollen..

really hurtfull to see him swollen and his body is full of wire and tubes to keep him alive..

Indeed, the third time we receive the call.. on that day he hav pass away..

***Truthfully, the moment he pass away , i am sad to lose this uncle but i really cant drop a tear out from my eyes.. somehow like my the tears in my eye have all dried up..like no water supply to produce the tears : (

ONce he pass away.. we have to help with the funeral ceremony thing..

there is alot of thing to do in chinese funeral ceremony..

I will not going to talk about the procedure and bla bla bla ~

I will go straigh to the point ..

I have few night sleepless in the car and never shower.. : (

well, anyway i dun smell bad ( i think )

oh yea, about the last day of the ceremony.. my uncle family and his relatives (including me) have to walk around and around the coffin ...

During the ceremony,  there is a priest or "Nam Mo Lou" is there to run the ceremony..

we do according to what he say..

and we walk around the coffin..

Nearby the coffin there will be some ppl sitting there..

and while we walking around the coffin, there is some "crappy old Aunt" keep crapping the same thing once we pass thorugh here..

She keep saying" Why u all never cry "?? "why u all never cry"?? U ALL MUST CRY!!!! U ALL MUST CRY!!

and talk full of crap thing!!

Is not we dun wan to cry.. is my uncle condition we all hav know ..this not a sudden cases..

all the emotion we already have prepared..

why we all must act out cry infront of u all ..

Is just so fake unless if we cry my uncle will come back then is ok.. but this is not..

ppl already so sad already and trying to control our feeling..

this crappy auntie scream non stop for us to cry !!

Does cry will be better for the deceased ppl?

For me, is a torture for the deceased ppl if they saw their family crying for them..

it will make them hard to cross-over!!

Why cant we just let them go peacefully since we cant change the fact that they are gone??

This crying act will just be a burden to the deceased ppl!!!

I am goin to far now..

I should stop it here now..

Currently rotting at home while wating the college to start my SEM 2!! : )